[photo from Nest Pretty Things]
So, as you know, I am off to New York at the end of the week. While at one time I was super excited to go, this is no longer the case.
If you would have told me, even a year ago, that I would want to cancel a trip to New York with friends to stay home with my family, I think I would have laughed. Not because I wouldn't want to be with my lovely family, but because who in their right mind passes up a trip to New York with the girls ...
Because a trip to New York means sleeping in a king size bed all by myself with no one to wake me up early. And it is quiet time without someone saying "what should I do now" or "mama, will you play with me". And it is meals eaten while seated and not on the run trying to get one of two from point A to point B. And just time. Time to myself. Precious time.
And for all the reasons above, that should make me want to go, I don't want to go at all. The thought of sleeping alone seems oh so lonely. And not hearing those voices, heartbreaking. And missing having to get here and there while we sing "Down By the Bay" makes me very, very sad.
There have been tears. Great, big crocodile tears at the thought of getting on the plane. Silly, right? But it doesn't feel silly. It feels like a big rock of regret in my stomach.
Isn't it funny how our priorities constantly change? All I want is to be home with my wonderfully lovely little boys and my most charming husband. Even on the days I think I have had enough of all 3 of them and I might just try to run away.
PS - I am blaming hot yoga for all of this. You see, in hot yoga, I spend a lot of time giving thanks for the amazing life I have - for my beautiful family, my friends, my health, the sun in Spring ... And I think the more I give thanks, the more aware I am of how good I have it. And the more aware I am, the more I just want to capture it all up in a jar - to keep this magical life safe and sound.
PPS - I am putting my trust out there to the Universe that my family will be well taken care of while I am gone.
PPPS - I love birdcages. Love them. And I love Nest Pretty Things too. A lot.